The Coach's Dilemma: Changing Limiting Beliefs

A few days ago, I listened to a coach earnestly discussing the challenge of changing a client's limiting belief. Despite her deep engagement and extensive study, she was visibly frustrated with her inability to find a way to help her client move forward. It was in this moment of shared struggle that I had an insight: whatever we want to give, we have to be it first.

Embodying the Qualities We Teach

If we want to teach confidence, we must first be confident. If we wish to impart patience, we must be patient ourselves. This principle extends to all the qualities we aim to nurture in others. To create change, we must be the embodiment of that change. This means that we cannot directly change someone else, nor can we do their work for them. Our role is to help and influence, but the heavy lifting of transformation lies with the individual.

Owning Our Inner World

I consistently tell my students that they must own what they do and take responsibility for their own actions and beliefs. This principle applies equally to us as coaches. We must manage our own inner world, not that of our clients. Our influence has limits, and acknowledging these limits is crucial. Ultimately, we can only actively change one person: ourselves.

The Archer's Metaphor

The metaphor of Apollo, the archer, beautifully illustrates this point. Apollo prepares rigorously, focusing on perfecting his aim and technique. Yet, once he releases the arrow, he must let go of the result. Similarly, as coaches, we prepare and guide our clients, but we must release our attachment to the outcome. Our influence on the people we coach is significant, but the responsibility for their change and achievements ultimately rests with them.

Key Takeaways

1. Be the Change: We must embody the qualities we wish to impart.
2. Influence, Not Control: We can influence but not directly change others.
3. Ownership: Encourage clients to take responsibility for their own growth.
4. Let Go of Outcomes: Focus on the process, not the results.

By embracing these principles, we empower our clients to own their journey of change, while maintaining our own integrity and balance as coaches.